Success Can Hurt Communication
I recently sat in on a meeting with two very successful men. I watched and listened as the conversation went back and forth between the two men. It was a lively volley of ideas, challenges, and concerns. Both were intent on getting their points across. I observed.
As the conversation digressed from really important issues to mundane issues their arguments stayed intense. As an observer I could see that some of the mundane issues weren’t really worth saying anything about. The amount of effort to persuade the other person wasn’t really worth it.
One of the common challenges that successful people have is a constant need to win. When the issue is important, they want to win. When the issue is mundane, they want to win. When the issue isn’t worth the effort they still want to win.
Research shows that the more we achieve the more we want to be right. We start to rationalize that in order to be successful we had to be right more than the next guy. This starts the cycle that causes us to want our position to prevail, no matter how trivial the issue.
The word “but” kept coming up in the conversation. The word “but” simply means – you made your point but now here is mine. When the word “but” keeps coming up on both sides of the conversation I know that rather than listening the time is spent preparing a rebuttal.
Communication only happens when we listen. So, in the end both of these successful men spent their time pushing their own agenda, their own ideas, their own challenges, and their own concerns. Neither one gained from the other.
For successful people it is difficult to listen to others without communicating either that they already know about it or that they know a better way. Be confident about your expertise and stand up for what you believe in, but before you speak ask yourself if what you’re about to say worthwhile? The higher up you go in an organization the more you need to let other people be winners and not make it about winning for yourself. Don’t let your success get in the way of communicating.
As the conversation digressed from really important issues to mundane issues their arguments stayed intense. As an observer I could see that some of the mundane issues weren’t really worth saying anything about. The amount of effort to persuade the other person wasn’t really worth it.
One of the common challenges that successful people have is a constant need to win. When the issue is important, they want to win. When the issue is mundane, they want to win. When the issue isn’t worth the effort they still want to win.
Research shows that the more we achieve the more we want to be right. We start to rationalize that in order to be successful we had to be right more than the next guy. This starts the cycle that causes us to want our position to prevail, no matter how trivial the issue.
The word “but” kept coming up in the conversation. The word “but” simply means – you made your point but now here is mine. When the word “but” keeps coming up on both sides of the conversation I know that rather than listening the time is spent preparing a rebuttal.
Communication only happens when we listen. So, in the end both of these successful men spent their time pushing their own agenda, their own ideas, their own challenges, and their own concerns. Neither one gained from the other.
For successful people it is difficult to listen to others without communicating either that they already know about it or that they know a better way. Be confident about your expertise and stand up for what you believe in, but before you speak ask yourself if what you’re about to say worthwhile? The higher up you go in an organization the more you need to let other people be winners and not make it about winning for yourself. Don’t let your success get in the way of communicating.
Posted by Cal Tingey at 9/3/2011 6:31 AM 
Categories: Communication
Tags: communication success but listening listen rebuttal
Categories: Communication
Tags: communication success but listening listen rebuttal
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